In all honesty going from a mom of 3 to a mom of 4 was harder than I ever anticipated. Most will joke that after 3 you're already outnumbered so, its not really that bad. I even drank this kool-aid. In truth, I was WRONG. It's really difficult.Please, please, please don't misunderstand. I absolutely love my kids and would have 4 again in a heartbeat but it was not as smooth a transition as I made myself believe. My older 2 were not as helpful as I hoped, my son was not the adoring big brother I prayed for. Instead we added another kid to clan and the chaos was expanded. God did however bless me with a sweet, patient (mostly), quiet, tiny (I'm serious, she is bitty), snuggly baby that helps soothe my panic mode.
I struggled for months to get by bearings with 4 kids, then, the holidays hit. I was ambushed, overwhelmed and sad. So very sad. After a lot of soul searching and research I discovered I was probably battling postpartum depression. I have struggled for years with anxiety and depression but I have been able to keep it in check for 10 years. I found myself having a very hard time keeping my emotions in check. I will go more into my journey through postpartum depression recovery in another post. I am happy to say though that I am on a road to recovery and I am taking things one day at a time.
My goal for this blog going forward is to be fearlessly authentic. I do no good by parading around pretending that being a SAHM, a mom of 4, a homeschooler and a table leader for a moms group is not freaking hard, but worth it. SO. VERY. WORTH IT!
